I just finished reading the Stephanie Meyer, "Twilight" series. The journey through these books has been bitter-sweet.
Let me explain. (Side note: to those that have not read it, don't worry I wont give away any of the important details)
These books brought you back to high school days of new love/obsession relationships. That sick-feeling-in-your-stomach, have-to-be-near-them, nothing else matters, cant live without them teen love.
I had to sit back tonight and ask myself, what is it about these books that has your head going in circles. I have to answer Love with a capitol L. That Romeo and Juliet, forbidden, deep, passionate, out of control, do-anything-for-you love. Oh how we women long for all of our days to be loved like this.
This is why I have to watch the drama unfold with McDreamy and Meredith on Greys, or the countless Chic-flicks I've watch. Just to get a taste. We put ourselves in the characters shoes if only for 30 mins to an hour at a time. The sad thing is we all know how its going to play out before we even start to watch. Boy meets girl, boy/girl like each other, boy messes up (sometimes the chic), does something ridiculously romantic and embarrassing to win her back, and they live happily ever after.
For most of us, this is not our reality. Some would say that is not reality at all. And I guess I want to know why? God created us for love, He is love, he gives us more love than we can ever imagine. He created passion and pleasure and sex. Is it our limited understanding of how great this love is? Do we seek pay less when there is a Jimmy Choo shoe store around the corner giving shoes away for free?
One of the pastors I listen to (Matt Carter, Austinstone.org) said that we will never be able to love someone as Christ loves us, until we can get how much Christ really loves us. What? I don't know about you but I put myself in the low self-esteem group and its hard for me to get that anyone loves me. So this statement is mind blowing for me. (kinda feel like I'm at the bottom of Mt. Everest) How do you take in that kinda of love. How do you begin to understand that someone died for you, created you perfect, runs after you every moment of your life.
So I had to stop writing for a moment because well I guess I just answered one of my own question. I asked why we can't have the love we crave, and I guess I just missed it. We are looking in the wrong places. God is the love we need. How can you get a better love story than someone dying for you, pursuing you everyday of your life, loving you when your not lovable. Holding you when your hurt, loving you through pain and loss, guiding you when you need direction, and giving you grace.
Its kinda a weird feeling to have so many questions in my head tonight have this amazing conclusion come from just writing this out. This is what self discovery is about.
I don't think I will stop watching Grey's or even cute chic flicks, nor will I discredit the love I have with my husband, son, family and friends but I think I will have a better understanding of love.